Equal Couples

Sweden has generous parental leave. And at least two months are reserved for fathers. A recent article in the New York Times describes amazing social shifts as  a result. Men are no longer identified just by their jobs and women’s incomes are increasing. The article reports that a new definition of masculinity is emerging and this is reflected in new workplace norms. As a result men are not penalized for taking paternity leave.

In the United States parental leave policies vary from state to state. Many states do not have paid leave for either parent. Women’s careers often stall or fall behind with the birth of a child. Men who take advantage of parental leave policies often are discriminated against at work. Not so in Sweden.  Sweden also has highly subsidized preschools. According to the article, female employment rates and birth rates have sky-rocketed as well.

Gender equality is much easier when  social policies support it. Without strong workplace and governmental policies, men and women easily blame each other and social policies reinforce gender stereotypes. (For a look at how parents in the U. S. struggle to share parenting, see Francine Deutsch’s interesting study “Halving It All.”)

Thank you Froma Walsh for passing along this interesting article.

posted by Carmen Knudson-Martin

Amy and Marc Vashon’s book Equally Shared Parenting should be on everyone’s baby gift list. Don’t worry that the couple might get more than one copy. They will wear out several over the years. In this month of weddings, think of it also as an equally appropriate wedding gift. This book lays out on a day-to-day basis, how to work together as an equal couple. It gets down to the nitty-gritty of how a couple learns to share life together in an equal way and why equality is so important for life and love. It is well written, a good-read, and is the best guide for couples who want to share life together that I have ever seen.

Posted by Anne

The “Implications for Practice” sections in each of the chapters of Carmen’s and my book Couples, Gender and Power suggest ways clinicians can teach clients how to do equality. The Vachon’s book Equally Shared Parenting shows by example, page after page, how couples can develop equal patterns of parenting. We can learn how to create equal relationships. Equality is a set of skills we acquire to improve our relationships and give us more balanced lives.   Since equality, as we define it, is a process, we don’t have to rail at ourselves and our partners because we haven’t yet achieved Equality, with a capital E.  We’re working on it, we’re changing our behaviors and attitudes day by day. As long as we are both committed to the process and act in good faith, we can learn equality.

Posted by Anne