Equality as Resistance

As I was reading about the intentional way Marc and Amy Vachon  create their own relationship (see my previous post), I was struck by their conscious resistance to falling into predetermined gender patterns.  I’m not sure we’re used to thinking of equality as resistance, but it really is.  Resistance is necessary in the face of established power dynamics that do not necessarily serve the needs and interests of individual couples.

Just today a student was describing a couple that he interviewed for a research study.  The husband said that he put family before his work.  But by default he ends up focusing more on his work than on what is important to his wife.  This happens because he does not intentionally focus on her and the old patterns take over.  To live by his ideals, he needs to intentionally resist old gender norms that invite her to focus on him, but not him to focus on her.   It takes small acts of resistance every day–at least until new patterns become ingrained.

Let’s hear it for resistance!!  How do you resist? What are your acts of resistance?

This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 6:33 pm and is filed under Couple communication, Couples, Gender, and Power, Equality Process, Gender Ideals, Gender Inequality, Institutional Power, Values, Work/Family Balance, equal relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Equality as Resistance”

  1. Anne Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Carmen I think you have really captured what we are talking about in this post! It really gets at the issue. We need to develop awareness of all those small actions which add up to inequality between partners and start resisting them one by one. The more we see to resist, the more aware we become of how pervasive these actions still are in our culture and in our relationships, and the more we can resist.

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